|
HISTORY OF THIS HOLIDAY (AS RECORDED BY HISTORIAN
QUARREL)
The question which occurs to most people when they
encounter this holiday is, what's so special about small boring rocks
that they get their own holiday? I mean, you even call them small
boring rocks! Well the straight answer to this is that small boring
rocks are just that (small, boring and rock) and there is nothing
truly amazing about them. But that's just the straight answer. There's
really much more to it than that.
While the united small boring rock population of Itonia
never saved the ancient Itonians from any alien invasions, natural
disasters or national indigestion, they nevertheless became very important
in Itonian society and part of an ancient tradition.
Like most peoples of most worlds, the Itonians went
through a period of being environmentally friendly to the extreme.
They tried recycling and introduced the fashion of wearing strange
creations made only from milk bottle tops. They hugged trees and experimented
with vegetarianism (though brought their experiments to an abrupt
end after a particularly nasty experience with some strawberry tofu
ice cream). Some Itonians talked to animals while others hugged trees
and reframed from eating daisies. But eventually the Itonians came
round to the idea that all a people need do to help their environment
is to stop chucking their rubbish everywhere and leave the environment
to get on with its job. Start wearing milk bottle top clothes and
you'll be scratched in places you never thought possible. Tofu should
be universally banned and only used as a form of torture in civilized
countries. Animals seldom talk back unless it is to tell you to get
lost or give them some food and if you hug trees, sooner or later
you'll end up with a nasty rash.
The only practice that the Itonians kept up after their
environmentally friendly phase was the practice of talking to small
boring rocks. Conversations with small boring rocks had shown that
these rocks have a unique perspective on the world. Rocks have seen
civilizations come and go, they've been employed in a myriad of professions,
from scholarly work (as paper weights) to successful military careers
(as projectiles in warfare). And so, they are often very good conversationalists.
For, as anybody who as ever thought, "If only these stones could talk",
will appreciate, small boring rocks which can talk can contribute
much to the study of history.
The particular saint of this day is an Itonian novice,
Petra Granite, who suggested that the practice of befriending and
talking to small boring rocks should be formalized in order to recognize
the contribution that small boring rocks had made to Itonian history.
Hence Small Boring Rock Day and the practices which are done to celebrate
this day. You can talk to small boring rocks any time of the year,
but November 6th is the special day set aside for this to recognize
how important small boring rocks really are. .
TRADITIONAL CELEBRATION METHOD OF THIS DAY (AS RESEARCHED BY
LORD HOGFISH AND HISTORIAN QUARREL)
Tradition for this day is to befriend a small boring rock, name it, introduce
it to all of your friends (or just anyone if you have no friends) and take it
to dinner at the end of the day. Take pictures of your SBR adventure and send
them to Lord Hogfish later.
BACK TO THE HOLIDAYS PAGE
|
