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HISTORY OF THIS HOLIDAY (AS RECORDED BY HISTORIAN QUARREL)
If this day has a saint, it is Saint Hat. Hat was a
small poison dart frog from an underwater land who was befriended
by High Priestess Lord Hogfish when she wasn’t a soap dispenser. According
to the ancient petrified sock records of Itonia, Saint Hat is credited
with saving the Holy Land from destruction by the Vorgnogs, an evil
race of magic turnips from the planet Nars. The Vorgnogs are a very
xenophobic race who believe in total conformatism to one idea - the
idea that turnips are great. Saint Hat was able to stop the Vorgnogs
by organizing to have a load of organic fertilizer tipped over their
mothership. The fertilizer caused the mothership to sprout roots and
grow into an enormous baobab tree, thus making it impossible for the
Vorgnogs to launch their attack on the Holy Land of Itonia. IT then
made Hat a saint for its services to the Religion of IT and created
this day in honour of the brave and resourceful small green and red
frog. The Vorgnogs, forced into exile on an alien planet eventually
became peace-loving volcanologists.
TRADITIONAL CELEBRATION METHOD OF THIS DAY (AS RESEARCHED BY
LORD HOGFISH AND TOWN IDIOT FIG)
Befriending a small representation of Saint Hat is customary for this day. This can
be made of any material, the most commonly used being plastic, stone, paper or sodium bicarbonate.
In ancient times, real frogs were befriended on this day, in the times when frogs were
plentiful and they roamed the blue-green plains of Itonia freely.
It is also customary for Itonians to design the most ugly and distasteful hat that
they possibly can and show the hats off to whoever they can, in order to spread the
good word of Hat Day. Most Itonians tend to band together in groups for this, believing
in force of numbers.
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