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HISTORY OF THIS HOLIDAY (AS RECORDED BY HISTORIAN QUARREL)
Tropical Fruit - two words which wouldn’t normally
worry people, unless they had a phobia of fruit salad perhaps. But
what about sentient tropical fruit? Now there’s a thought. Most people
would dismiss the idea of sentient tropical fruit off hand, but only
because the thought of a walking and talking banana sounds like something
off a television advertisement. After all, the idea that pineapple
might object to being put on a pizza is rather disturbing. Well, according
to some old papers I found stuffed down the back of a chesterfield
sofa in the Holy Land of Itonia, such a thing as sentient tropical
fruit does (or rather, did) indeed exist.
Fraladsuit was once a warm, tropical planet. It had a temperate climate,
beautiful bottle green skies in which floated puce doughnut shaped clouds and a
peach coloured sea. For some odd reason, the life that this planet had evolved
resembled the sort of tropical fruit found on Earth, except larger. It appears
that these Fralasuitiis were a war-like race who had recently discovered space
travel. Their evil plan to turn their galaxy into an empire in which no
tropical fruit would ever be eaten was only narrowly thwarted by the saint of
this day, Saint Puit Frunch. With the help of The Almighty Squash (sent to
Saint Puit Frunch’s aid by IT) Saint Puit Frunch was able to banish the ring
leaders of the Fraladsuit to the far corners of the universe and put them in
permanent, irreversible stasis.
And just in case anyone is wondering, both the Big Pineapple and the Big Banana
are tourist attractions found on the east coast of Australia. (And everyone
thought they were just fiberglass...).
TRADITIONAL CELEBRATION METHOD OF THIS DAY (AS RESEARCHED BY
LORD HOGFISH)
The tradition of this day is to quite obviously eat and drink lots of tropical fruit.
Really, that's all there is to it.
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